Being True to Yourself… Prerequisite to a Happy Life!

I am going to stir the pot on the back burner at my café. It has been said that when something is dead it floats to the top. That may be a true statement; however, I'm no expert on dead stuff. If this piece floats anything to the top, let's throw it out! I try to keep myself present with life giving recipes.

I realize that by stirring this pot it could steam up the kitchen, but that's what it's all about here at The Writer's Café. The goal will be, to create a little steaminess and then when it clears, we’ll see what the fallout will bring. When we're always going with the same old recipes, it can make for a pretty boring existence. Some people can get very nervous at trying new things. However, until we are willing to try, no one will ever know what is really for them. Or, would we rather just stay in our little comfort zones of not throwing someone else off kittle?

When it comes to being true to yourself, it can be a task to separate oneself from the “group” analogy and listen to one's own personal intuitive response. Normally in our society, one does not trust their own instincts. They had indoctrinated themselves to the point of overload on what is acceptable for the group, rather than what is right for the individual. Where in all the chaos is the peace for oneself?

The questions one may ask themselves, from my experience, comes from a very unfamiliar authentic place within. What or who is steering this place is a question one may ask themselves. All of these observations and experiences of life through my lens, carry my own opinionated answers. Here at the café, you are allowed to have your own opinion without criticism.

I have listened to several conversations, whereby great souls question their own wisdom for what would serve them well. At the last minute, they will still be controlled by the “group” thought, amazing! Your own “happy life” can only come from your experiences, introspection and choices, not someone else's for you. Living in someone else's shadow will only steal your own shine. Being true to yourself can be (a)lone road towards an authentic life. What defines one's happiness may not be the same recipe for another.

Breaking free from “group” analogy does not mean that you have to sever ties; it just may mean establishing boundaries towards your own freedom. Sometimes a change of venue can be what the inner doctor orders. Your directives will come when you learn to trust yourself. Trusting yourself gives you the courage to know who to trust, with you.

Living in a world that is more than willing to advise you what to do is all the more reason to get in contact with you, the real you! If you don't know you, you will be directed by everybody else. We begin our lives by trying to fit in somewhere, so it should be no surprise when we wake up one day feeling like we don't know who we are or what we believe about anything.

The majority of our society lives on borrowed beliefs anyway; so, the road to discovery of yourself can be just as long as the road you've already traveled. I realize that this is not a comforting thought, but it can be a real one for lots of people. Believe me; I have these conversations every day with somebody. If you really open yourself to others to hear their stories, it will start to resonate within you that none of us are all that different.

I am discussing this topic because it is a recurring one across gender, race, age and religious lines. So, you thought that when people have religion, they are free of this topic? Not hardly! Probably this is the largest group, with all the self questioning of being real. To blame everything in your life that is not authentic on God is hardly an excuse. Being true to you is one of the biggest requirements in true happiness. God's business is “true happiness”!

Being a “great impersonator” is about observation, and within the eyes of the beholder. We learn as children to impersonate adults, because we want attention and acceptance. What are our excuses now? Be the originator of who you are now, because there is no one else you have to please! Living in your own skin is up to you. Just do it!

Still trying to figure out who you are? Take your time, one step at a time. Redefining oneself is all about your discoveries. This is your journey towards the person you really want to be in the world. When you look in the mirror, do you really know that person? If not, neither does anyone else! Present to the world, what you want them to remember. Live free… dance your dance… be true to yourself, what ever that means for you. Live from the place of the person you know, and allow others to know him/her also. Live your “Happy Life”!

Doing It My Way

Like every seasoned chef that knows her way around the kitchen, I know that one has to come through many trials and errors to make the mark. Doing it my way has been the theme of every quest I have set out on.

There have been many times in my kitchen of life that well-meaning friends and family have wished that I would have prepared my recipes, the way they desired. Better yet, followed someone's already tried and tested ones but I always had to do it my way.

Now, mind you, I have completely burned up a few dishes and had to start all over again many times! Some of them even left the lingering burnt aroma in my kitchen, whereby others could detect it coming in the door! However, it was all those burnt dishes that cause people now to keep coming back to my café! There is something about tenacity in trial and error and doing it your way, which will even eventually lead you to a signature authentic serving. Many times it will cause people to come back for a second serving.

I share with young chefs in my kitchen to not be afraid of mistakes in their dishes, because it is rare that you will be pleased to satisfaction on the first testing. Great chefs spend lots of time doing things over towards perfection. That's why there are so many chefs calling their kitchens, Hell’s fury because it can get so hot, sometimes they just want to scream! The secret to cooling a hot kitchen is to breathe, flow and dance your dance. Enjoy the many combinations of spices that your life experiences bring to your recipes and never be afraid to alter it into your signature piece, by doing it your way.

Here at The Writer's Café, we welcome your authentic signature pieces done your way. There is no right or wrong way here. Your taste testing of life is appreciated, and all we ask is that you be willing to taste other dishes as well. Everyone has something to offer. Sharing each other's dishes brings us more in contact with another's experience. Once we have a little taste sometimes we are pleasantly surprised. There are also times that we discover, there are going to be dishes our pallets just don't take to. I have learned over the years to just be open to trying new recipes, to diversify my forte’. When I discover something that doesn't agree with me, I don't criticize it, I just bookmark that piece for later testing. It doesn't become an absolute no, until I've tried it prepared by different chefs. By just placing it on the back burner, it awaits further investigation at another testing, whereby it may or may not be more agreeable.

Life is that way. We don't always agree with something the first go round. There are only a few things in life that are absolute, mostly life or death. When I share life experiences with those that have chosen to diversify and stay open to life, I am willing to listen to their input. Their willingness causes me to have deep consideration and respect for their position of doing it their way. Rarely am I opened to even hearing those that are rigid in their thinking or one-sided in their belief system of my way or no way. That is usually my queue, to not spend much energy on them, because they also have turned their ears off to any of my suggestions. A promising chef of an authentic signature piece will be open for suggestions, and then they'll put their twist on it.

I am looking forward to the recipes that others choose to serve up at The Writer's Café. Your link to your kitchen will be posted for others to come on over, sit down and have a tasting. Hopefully you will be encouraged by their visit and continued to do it your way!

Answering The Call

Do you remember the first time you got the call? Did you take it? If so,what did you do? If not,why not? What is next for you? After reading "The Call" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer several years ago it helped me to realize that every day I get a call to action. Then there comes "The Invitation",to live your authentic life! Being true to yourself takes great courage, the kind of courage that sometimes puts others to running. At this stage of your journey some people can't be around you because you are constantly changing to the point that they don't know you anymore. Sometimes, even you question who you are!

"The Invitation", invites you to examine the most inner parts of your being against the backdrop of a world that wants you to be who it defines you as. Will you have the courage to ask yourself the questions that will bring you to that place of knowingness of who you are? Or, will you whimper off into your shell to become the fertilizer for the next generation, never truly knowing who you could have become if you would have just danced?

"The Dance" is the rhythm you hear to your own authentic drumbeat. To hear it is the challenge you are being invited to. It is the challenge we all are invited to and have to face in our journey to wholeness and wellness. Can you hear your own music?Can you feel the rhythm in your life? Are you actively participating in your own dance? You will feel awkward trying to dance someone else's dance but to be authentic and committed to your own, will ignite the fire in your loins to create something awesome!

To take the journey within for me was by route of reading about the paths of others thru the books they wrote. This labyrinth of turns in a circular motion into the depths of my being took me places I never knew were there. Some were familiar and others were a vague mystery but I was intrigued enough to continue. I discovered that timing was everything and to be patient with myself was a must. Being at the right place at just the right time was out of my hands because the "Great Mystery", would lead me into caverns that would unfold layers of my life for me to examine that only "She", could know when I was ready! This process was as natural as breathing but in order for it to continue I would always have to answer the call again when I stopped on the path to ponder and linger with constant analyzing. Would I continue, stop or move on was my choice to make. The demand for more was my constant desire as I started to recognize parts of me never discovered before. I had gotten lost in the demands of the world! Lost in the sea of "illusions", I swam to the surface to gather fresh air to fill my lungs with new life! This would be a starting over to speak my own mind. To hear my own words,my own ideas,my own self, my voice is what I finally heard and now I strive to stay in that place of authenticity. To not slid back into the sea of "illusions" will be my challenge, to break forth and be heard is my rightful claim to my destiny!



I dedicate this piece to my friend and fellow writer Oriah Mountain Dreamer, author of The Call, The Invitation and The Dance. I would like to thank her for being the microphone to the world and asking me to answer "The Call"!

“Dem Punkins Gone South!”

Looking at the pictures the girls started laughing, while going through them at the kitchen table. “What are you girls laughing at”, I hollered from the living room. I couldn't hear myself think, and I was working on a new thread that had just started to flow to me. They know I hate interruptions, but just like little kids, they still need mama's attention even though they are grown women now! Mama, did you have on a bra in this picture with the grandkids at the zoo! Yeah, but you know “dem punkins done gone south girl”, I hollered back! I could hear them just falling out with laughter at the table. I love to hear them laugh, and especially now that I can laugh with them about women's issues. Growing older gracefully with laughter about things that just don't hold the same importance now is a wonderful freedom. Of course, they don't think I have changed a whole lot since we have always joked about the natural aging process. My mother was a very good example in that department too. She certainly knew how to make lemonade out of the lemons in her life. When she had to remove a breast from cancer, she told the doctor to take both of them because she didn't need them anyway! Why come back for a second procedure, she said and plus the imbalance didn't suit her. She got the artificial ones but never used them any more than she used her false teeth. Being comfortable was what mattered to Mama, and “take me as I am”, was a must or leave her alone! Wow, she sure was a good example without a lot of words. That's why my kids loved her, just as much as I did, because she was about keeping it real. Boobs are for feeding the babies and entertainment she would probably say. Well, I ain’t feeding babies, and I sure ain't trying to entertain anybody. Sooo, I guess I'll just buy a good sturdy bra for when I won't those punkins to stand up; otherwise, they can just head down south for retirement, with no complaints from me! Of course, for years to come and generations after these pictures, they will continue to tell the stories to the women in our family; to not sweat the small stuff when nature takes her course, just roll south with “dim punkins” and enjoy the journey.




(This serving is dedicated to my mother, who taught me, in the midst of the fire to come out flaming and head for the kitchen to make some cold iced lemonade from the lemons I'd been given and everything would be allright! I pass that gift on to my children that they may pass it on to theirs!!)

A Calling Out

Soft, intoxicating, jazz is playing lowly in the background of the circle of women sharing their souls. I listened intently to a friend speak to herself; I could hear my soul reaching out to me, to provide to me memories of my spirit truly hearing me. Isn't that what we all want, to be truthfully heard? Reflecting on a thought, about what I really want to do with the rest of my life, came in the form of a puzzle piece, which landed in my hands at a spiritual gathering on a Sunday morning. It read “empower others”. It was an honor, at this time in my life to be called forth to do this. I realized in this seasoned time of my life, it was time to integrate all I had been gathering over the years. The tools that gave me inner peace and courage to be able to empower others lay within my reach. In contemplating a way to continue my own empowerment as I shared with others, it was given to me a way to co-author this vision. Creating an environment, where others could invest their minds, hearts and souls would be a powerful place to cook up something grand. That is where the idea of The Writer's Café came into view. This would be a place where chefs could come to cook up something to offer to the world. There are times that we wait, while the dough rises, and there is a time when we cook, expecting the aromas of delicious sharing as a desired result. The Writer's Café allows us to support one another in our “Soul Food”, preparation. Our society is in great need of the original recipes being restored with some new spices of life added. The energy flowing through the earth at this time is ready to be birthed into the world. For those that are being called out I am inviting you to be nurtured toward a serving up of what has been simmering in your kitchen. A diversity of dishes is requested at this time in history. Being at the right place at the right time is what brings fruition. There are times in our lives when we work collectively and then there are times that we have to discover the authentic “I “, to bring forth our unique dish to the table. Bring it out, so we all can applaud you and say, job well done! Let “The Writer's Café”, be a place of birthing for you and your creation. We are here to serve one another in the process. Let's kick it up a notch!

http://sacredflower-thewriterscafe.blogspot.com

If you would like to post at “The Writers Café”, your recipe for others to partake a serving please forward to me at b4real20041@bellsouth.net and I will post it!
If any serving has been a positive reinforcement in your life please let me know, it’s greatly appreciated to know as a following through on my part of “Follow Your Dreams” that I’ve “Served it Up” in the world. Thank-you all for your support!

Stories; Yours and Theirs

If you want to give your children, family and friends a true gift, give them your story! I realized this by listening to my children detail what they interpreted of my story. In reality they were telling their stories from being with me from their view. I would catch myself saying to myself, as if I was crazy, who are they talking about! That wasn't who I was, what I was feeling or saying. It was puzzling to hear them or figure out why they felt the way they did. But I realized this was their story with me in it.

Just as a writer develops their characters, it was interesting to hear the life they had given my character in their life story. It caused me to look back at the fact and fiction of my character. In looking at the facts at the heart of my character of me, I realized there were very little realities in their character of me that actually was drawn from me.(children often make our character fictious to suite their acceptance or denial;remember your parents?) I became content when I realized that my oldest child, missed about 18 years of info by the time she drew a serious opinion of me at 15. My second child lost about 23 years of my life by the time she got her strong opinions at 15. My third child lost about 25 years of my story before he got to the point of his life whereby I knew nothing.

The way I came by this equation was. You take the age you were when you birthed your children into the world, and realize that by the time they start developing your character in their stories of who you have been to them for the first 15 years of their lives, they don't know who, where or how you got to be that person that they think they know. They form an opinion with very little facts, and then start drawing the character they called mom or dad. Remember, that at this stage of their lives, they also want very little to do with history, because that old stuff, that doesn't matter anyway, because that's the past! They don't understand how the past connects to the present, but you do. That's why it's important for you to tell your story, because when they get old enough to look back to realize that their stories and your friends, family etc… do not mesh together from their view, they’ll understand why. You can fill in all the missing pieces (all those details that filled out that character they called mom or dad) or allow second hand information from family and friends fill in the gap. Never underestimate the power of stories, especially your own!

I can remember when my children were raised by the tenement of, “…if you spare the rod, you spoil the child”. Of course this was before all the laws were put in place, whereby if you discipline your child(with spankings) it could be considered abuse. I remember all of Dr. Spock's theories of child rearing, spanking less, explaining more intellectually. (Time out:-). I did a little of both, whatever was necessary, a balance was the goal. I am all for progressive thinking, it's just that you have to understand the hand you were dealt and what is needed. Now, that's wisdom! (Just my opinion!).

A lot of parents today do not appreciate any of the values and wisdom in yesterday's application of discipline. You have to know how to interpret yesterday's message for today's world. If you spare the discipline, you will spoil the child. What does that mean? It's kind of like reading the handwriting on the wall. You need to see the signs and act accordingly. If you come upon spoiled food, what does that bring into your mind? Rotten, stinking, obnoxious, something you just want to get rid of, quick and in a hurry! Ask your schoolteachers, how they feel about something that is spoiled. That's the way it is with some of our children without guidance and discipline, others just want to get rid of them period. Who do you want to emanate in your training?

These are some things that I thought would benefit our communities and help to establish bridges if we will see the value in our stories. The next generation is beginning to gather the missing pieces, and that shows progression. May all our stories be heard if the recipe will be complete. In a recipe if I miss a spice, it will not be the same outcome, it will be something else. Enjoy the gathering and reaffirmation of your families, stories.


(I wonder now if Spock was an abused child or got lots of spankings; explaining his theories). I question sometimes if all that theory was studied as to the outcome miles down the road. Looking at this generation with hindsight it is questionable as to appreciation and respect. The question is; did the spankings create respect for consequences with lasting impressions of pain from the wrong choices or not? Are there right and wrong choices or are there only decisions about what you want to experience to grow and develop, at what and whose expense? That’s how we come to who is telling the story. Everyone has their own role in our life stories and depending on who is telling it the characters can change positions and opinions. That’s the power of words to change history according to who’s telling the story. Who will tell your story? Compare the facts by speaking out!

Getting Off Your Nail

Stories are really not that different from person to person when it comes to getting off your nail. The analogy that Les Brown referred to in one of his motivational seminars of the dog that laid on a nail day after day moaning and groaning from the pain but he never made the effort to move off the nail is what I want to talk about. This reminds me of the anguish that faces everyone when it’s time to move. I like that story because there are two other elderly people sitting on that porch that ignore the dogs moaning because they know that when it hurts bad enough he will move. This helps me to be patient with myself as well as others when we get stuck with our lives. I argue with the idea of living in the moment because even though that is a good idea we still have to deal with the fact that the choices in the moment come with the consequences that control future choices. So, the moment is tied to the past as well as the future, all in one. Does that mean that in reality there is only the moment? Duality could really be oneness when you get deep into the reality of everything. Of course I realize to some this could be very confusing and questionable. However, questions are what I have had all my life and possibilities are what have kept me going. Possibilities are the mystic unraveling of God’s promises to the trusting ones. I listen to others as they share their current stories with me and I reflect on how at different times in my life their story is not all that different from mine. One strives to be the best they can be and then they try to share their life with someone. I say try because we never realize what we are getting ourselves into until after we have jumped off that safe ledge. We only know ourselves when we finally choose, “to go for it” and when we can accept that we will probably need some “Divine Intervention” lots of times in a relationship with someone else. That is the icing that makes the choice sweeter. Knowing that we all have something to work on in our lives is very humbling. There are also some things I believe are more tolerable than others. It is important to look at character traits that complement one another when considering such closeness as sharing ones personal space. I have learned that the older one gets it is very important to consider what is acceptable in sharing ones space because we start seeing life and priorities a lot different. It is one of those things that come from different stages of your life. To understand those stages before you get there is impossible because it is part of the process in “coming home”, to your real self. It’s just like that dog lying on the nail. He’s just content with laying on that nail moaning and groaning because he hasn’t gotten the nerve or motivation to do anything different.

In my experience, people will try on new and different things for size with motivation but unless there is great passion, desire and intentional personal ambition with purpose it will just hang on them like a cloak. When it no longer has real appeal anymore it can easily be cast aside and the original clothing that is more comfortable will be returned to. It’s only when “enough is enough” has been reached in ones life that real permanent changes will take hold. Everybody’s pain threshold is different but I do know that the longer one lies on their nail the more tolerable the pain becomes. What does your nail feel like? Is it time to get up off it? Only you know for sure. In the meantime, think about what you want your threshold to be.