Thursday, May 22, 2008


In the essence of sharing this sacred moment in time for me, I have been granted permission by parties involved to share my moment in time with them, with all of you here at The Writer's Café. I have omitted original names to protect the privacy of others but yet to share the moment is a bounty from the experience.

Turning into the driveway the ladies step up to the car and tell us that we can go on through, up to the big house and follow the directions of the attendants to park by the barn. They had been parking people over by the church across the street because of limited parking on the grounds of the Bed and Breakfast Inn. I was so excited to have finally arrived after traveling through the winding beautiful countryside. Everyone that we passed had beautiful smiling faces. We were all so excited and patiently had been waiting for this joyous occasion well over two months. The holy union that was finally taking place, between the pastor and her partner was something we all had just been beaming about, as everyone buzzed around assisting in any way that they could the last week before this wonderful day of sunshine finally arrived.

E. and I had been talking all week about how ironic that on my birthday the law was passed in San Francisco, California for gay marriages to be legal and two days later, the pastor and her partner would be having their ceremony that was already set long before this happy occasion had even been recognized. I didn't realize that the debate was even on the ballot again, because I had been so busy, just like everybody else. We lived in the South anyway, but we were as happy as if the issue was being debated right here. There are a lot of us, that doesn't even think that it should be an issue of debate, because a holy union has nothing to do with the laws of the land except that the civil rights of those involved are being abused and discriminated against, whereby some unions are not. Being able to want to protect those you care about, whether it's through insurance or purchases legally should not depend on a gender match up. Well anyway, we all are going to enjoy this happy occasion today because it is blessed by God through this beautiful weather, a beautiful location, surrounded by wonderful family and friends.

The archway by the lake and a half moon setting of chairs is like a fairy tale. The setting of the special table for the cakes and the huge tent give a clue that there are many more to be expected to arrive shortly. We have arrived in time to be the first seated, and I was wonderfully guided to my seat, so professionally by friends. The professional photographer was all over the place, busy doing his thing. E. stepped over with the rest of the smoking crew in the designated smoking area. The background of the lake made my mind just begin to float on the sweet breezes of the lake. This background of sheer beauty and calmness made everything so elegant. The winding road around the lake coming in gave everything an enchantment feeling and the yellow ribbons on the trees made them appear all dressed up. While everyone was getting seated E., worked her way back over by me. People were getting settled in for the next exciting moments that would change a lot of people's opinions about what a Holy Union could look like.

Our friends had really set the bar for others with a class act! This union was going to be about a truly spiritual, significant moment marked in their journey together into an evolving mystery that only the Creator knew of their true destinies and they were willing to commit to this journey together before God and all her children. God showed up with all of us to bless the day with icing on the cake.

Beginning the ceremony was a beautiful procession song, “The Power of the Moment", by Chris Rice, then there were Words of Welcome and Opening Prayer, then a reading entitled “Significant Hours”, written by Albert Schweitzer, then there was a beautiful song sung by a cherished male friend of the church. The scripture reading was done from Colossians 3 versus 12- 17. The pastoral address delivered by their two female friends was spellbinding as poetry. When the declaration of intent was spoken, everyone was at attention as if taking notes. Then the community affirmed that we were in this together as a family. The couple was in a state of heavenly bliss, as they spoke their poetic hearts to one another with the fresh backdrop of the most beautiful and natural chorus performed by God's creation, the birds of various sounds sung in harmony as if they were summoned to arrive right at this moment in time. There could not have been a more perfect evening without a flaw I had ever witnessed. It was as if God had prepared it Herself. Then the brides were turning towards one another for a breathtaking moment that we all had been waiting for, to exchange their vows. We then witnessed the significance of the rings being exchanged as explained by their pastoral friends from their mother Church, two wonderful ladies! They began explaining the symbols of the rings to expand into an even larger circle of family as they continue to grow together on this never ending journey, mentioning that we all would grow with them in this binding circle of commitment.

The brides then moved over to another altar that contained three glass containers, whereby they chose to do a symbol of unity. Each one picking up a vase, in one vase there was blue sand and in the other there was yellow sand, they began to combine the two colors together into the middle container. They were demonstrating that by unifying together these two colors they created a new color green, a color that could not exist without equal parts of yellow and blue. Neither primary color relinquished it's realness but each retained its original splendor because of no chemical reaction-no exchanging of particles-just a mixing, a blending-two things of beauty coming together to yield a new and different display.

We all received a personal letter at our arrival that explained a few of the threads that created the tapestry of their life together. The unity symbol was one of them. They also shared in this letter what “Living in the Moment”, meant to them and that this was the theme for their day! I would like to quote from their letter their thoughts about this theme, because it will remain a part of me and my shared moment with them for ever:
“When you live in the moment, everything is fresh and new all of the time. When you live in the moment, life becomes a fragile chain of random thoughts and happenings that are held together by precious memories of single moments in time. Peaceful pandemonium, held together by love.”
A female friend stepped up to the microphone to sing out the smiling brides as they made way towards the tent for all the hugs and kisses and pictures of this joyous occasion.

This was a shared moment, I will cherish forever. I know in my heart of hearts that the Sacred Feminine love of God was smiling among us all as She looked upon her garden of flowers in full bloom embellishing all their beautiful hues of diversity, representing young and seasoned, diverse of gender and sexual orientation as well as cultural diversity. Sitting under the big tent enjoying the floral fragrance off the breezes, I was approached by a dear spiritual brother that whispered to me if I would do the honor of asking the blessing before we broke bread together on this special occasion. This was another confirmation from the Mother Goddess of us all because little did this servant know of my story, that in my growing up I was always within myself complaining to God that where there was a gathering of men and women no one would ask a woman to bless the gathering, well, on this special day, the Sacred Feminine of God let me know she was smiling down on all of us. I graciously accepted the invitation with a smile and gazed upward. After the meal I looked around at all the beautiful smiling faces and once again I could feel my spirit stirring and I requested to speak to the gathering for a sharing of a short story with the brides.

I shared an experience I had about 10 or 12 years earlier, whereby I had a spiritual calling to have a one human family gathering. I was told in my spirit to just put out the call and they would come. I trusted that and proceeded with my part, not knowing what to expect but trusting that I was doing my part. I created an altar that represented various ancestors around the world and offered up prayers. I asked everyone to bring something that represented their ancestors and place it on the altar for a building of bridges from the spirit world into the physical world. People began responding and came in “standing room only” numbers! It was one of the happiest times of my life simply because they showed up. I was in a corner crying when a man of African descent approached me to see if I was okay. I told him it was tears of joy, because I didn't expect such a unified response. He reminded me that when our hearts have the right intent and motivation to be receptors we attract to us those that reflect what we send out. This was simply a display of the love I was sending out returned to me by those that showed up. This was why I shared this story with my friends because their love for one another and others is authentic, which in return has brought back to them, many fold in the faces of those that surround them. One of the prettiest smiling faces, there was the smile on the face of the Pastor's mother. The joy she must have felt at this gathering surely made her proud of her daughter and partner to witness their commitment to God and their calling to such a degree as to share this moment with her and their family could make her heart sing praises of peace

In our leaving the grounds E. and I agreed that this would be a moment that we shared together in a sacred setting whereby would be embedded in our soul memories forever. Passing in front of the lake on our way out I looked up and could just feel our Sacred Mother smiling down on all the love shared on these sacred grounds at the Holy Union!.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Stories; Yours and Theirs

If you want to give your children, family and friends a true gift, give them your story! I realized this by listening to my children detail what they interpreted of my story. In reality they were telling their stories from being with me because I would catch myself saying to myself, as if I was crazy, who are they talking about! That wasn't who I was, what I was feeling or saying. It was puzzling to hear them or figure out why they felt the way they did but I realized this was their story with me it.

Just as a writer develops their characters, it was interesting to hear the life they had given my character in their life story. It caused me to look back at the fact and fiction. In looking at the facts at the heart of the character of me, I realized there were very little in the characters that actually were drawn from me. I became content when I realized that my oldest child, missed about 18 years of info by the time she drew a serious opinion of me at 15. My second child lost about 23 years of my life by the time she got her strong opinions at 15. My third child lost about 25 years of my story before he got to the point of his life, whereby I knew nothing!

The way I came by this equation was. You take the age you were when you birthed your children into the world, and realize that by the time they start developing your character in their stories of who you have been to them for the first 15 years of their lives, they don't know who, where or how you got to be that person that they think they know. They form an opinion with very little facts, and then start drawing the character they called mom or dad. Remember, that at this stage of their lives, they also want very little to do with history, because that old stuff, that doesn't matter anyway, is only the past! They don't understand how the past connects to the present, but you do. That's why it's important for you to tell your story, because when they get old enough to look back to realize that their stories and your friends, family etc… do not mesh together somehow, you can fill in all the missing pieces (all those details that filled out that character they called mom or dad). Never underestimate the power of stories, especially your own!

I can remember when my children were raised by the tenement of, “…if you spare the rod, you spoil the child). Of course this was before all the laws were put in place, whereby if you discipline your child it could be considered abuse. I remember all of Dr. Spock's theories of child rearing, spanking less, explaining more intellectually. (Time out) so, I did a little of both, whatever was necessary, a balance was the goal. I am all for progressive thinking, is just that you have to understand the hand you were dealt and what is needed. Now, that's wisdom! (Just my opinion!).

A lot of parents today do not appreciate any of the values and wisdom in yesterday's application of discipline. You have to know how to interpret yesterday's message for today's world. If you spare the discipline, you will spoil the child. What does that mean? It's kind of like,"reading the handwriting on the wall". You need to see the signs and act accordingly. If you come upon spoiled food, what does that bring into your mind? Rotten, stinking, obnoxious, something you just want to get rid of, quick and in a hurry! Ask your schoolteachers, how they feel about something that is spoiled. That's the way it is with some of our children without guidance and discipline, others just want to get rid of them, period.! Who do you want to emanate in your training?

These are some things that I thought would benefit our communities and help to establish bridges if we will see the value in our stories. The next generation is beginning to gather the missing pieces, and that shows progression. May all our stories be heard in the recipe, and then it will be complete. If I miss a spice, it will not be the same outcome, it will be something else. Enjoy the gathering and reaffirmation of your families, stories.

There is a lot of talk today about spanking being a form of abuse but in a heathly environment, that leaves a big question mark.There are a lot of inexperienced parents today with not enough resources available or the knowledge that we are not born with parenting skills.This story is not about the horrow stories that are valid by a lot of parents, it is about revealing the truth in our stories so that we can correct the outcome of the next generation.Let your recipe be authentic along with the ability to expand.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Free the Mother, Free the Child

It has come to my awareness that through my assessment of spiritual understandings, I have concluded we could be consoled by acknowledging there are many understandings to the soul’s journey back to wholeness. The average person that does not remember, we choose our families, would debate this issue when it does not reflect their ideal image of family. However, every soul attains spiritual growth through choices. It is not up to the individual to decide what the proper path for another soul’s growth is. How do we as adults protect the children if we do not take charge of the exposure or direction of children in the larger population is the question? With great wisdom, we help the mothers. How do we do that, if they are not ready? We plant the seeds of desire. How do we do that? By assessing the situation, and then figuring out what we can assist with. Is education a concern, transportation, child care, health care, exposure to other options, lifestyle choices, etc…?

There has to be a level of respect for a mother in order to help her children. Sometimes children are removed from an environment for physical, emotional, spiritual and mental protection for the overall growth of the child. It is best to continue assessing the parents’ growth with the intention of the family reuniting after certain goals are met. There is knowledge available in research that proves we are a society that chooses to bear children before we are prepared to nurture children, for all kinds of reasons. The number one reason that we avoid is that with unprotected sex, we will raise the chances of becoming pregnant. The human being has sex for sexual gratification, be it in marriage or otherwise. In a state of maturity humans try to prepare and plan for children. In a state of passion, whereby we tend to be trying to avoid our life decisions for the moment through the heat of passion, normally will create an easily conduit for pregnancy. It is after the moment that leads to many other life-changing decisions.

Having the responsibility for another person's well-being is a huge responsibility that sometimes we realize after the fact, we may not have been ready for and the young ones pay the price. It takes great courage to admit it and greater courage to seek help. That is a humbling experience like no other, because the act itself that got one to this stage of life was usually defiance of rules. Nobody likes rules and structure; however, as we mature, we can assess the protection that comes from rules (boundaries) for our children.

To be allowed freedom at 18 requires huge responsibility that will determine your life's journey. The turns in the road can take you in many different directions. There really aren’t any shortcuts in life that don't come with a high price. There is exposure, adventure and mystery on the shortcuts but in the end we all arrive at the same place, asking ourselves if it was worth the ride. The wisdom we gain from our paths should answer that question. That is why we have to assess our situations to observe how to best assist our self and others on the journey. Where are we, where do we want to be and what is the best route for getting there. My assessment is, when you free, the mother you free, the child. Look into the darkness, and you'll find the light.

To be empowered women I think we have to share reminders of tidbits from recipes of herstories, here are some of my favorites:

"We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later," Mary Autin wrote in 1912 in "The Promised Land." Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth."

Simone de Beauvoir put it another way:"One is not born a woman, one becomes one." This becoming takes time. We need time to consider, time to reflect, time to make creative choices,time to emerge from the cocoon,time to clean out our closets, and time to clear away psycic cobwebs so that we might pare down to our essence.

It is God's will that we be beautiful, that we love and be loved and prosper in all good things, " Marianne Williamson reminds us. "It is God's will that we all become the goddesses we were created to be."

"Beauty is an internal light, a spiritual radiance that all women have but most women hide, unconsciously, denying its existance. What we do not claim remains invisible, "Marianne Williamson, in "A Womens Worth"

I have a ritual whereby I read something positive every morning that reminds me of my "Sacred Feminine". These tidbits were taken from "Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by- Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sunday, May 4, 2008


A young woman said to my daughter once, “Don’t you want to do more in life than just survive?” It is my opinion that there are not enough women in the world that truly appreciate the “art of survival”. To demean this skill shows a lack of wisdom in this materialistic society that we as women have to survive in today. To not teach our daughters this skill first in life and to understand their priorities before their eye of window-shopping develops, will cause their a#* to overgrow their pocketbook. This in turn will cause them to crash and burn without a life jacket.

The women in our family came from a long line of survivors and my experience with some of my well-to-do girlfriends is that they haven't had to really survive anything. Only to exchange their addresses was the real challenge in a life changing experience.

There is an art to surviving gracefully. Getting through the storm while holding up your head without too many scars takes a lot of patience and tenacity, courage, strong will, a strong faith, ability to believe when there is no light in view, creativeness, to be gutsy, experience, to be able to plan and work your plan(scheming), to be able to fly, vision, positive self-esteem fueled from within, a connection to your goddesses (even when you don't know it), to know that the final word doesn’t lay within how much money you have or see in view, to know that what is yours no one can take it from you, to know that She(God) always has your back, to let God do her work and you do yours (follow thru).

Yes, these abilities are not to be taken lightly, but to know that it comes from good teachers (role models) and practice. It is not a skill that money or degrees can buy or replace.

So, I can say to my daughters, be proud, you had good teachers and tell your friends that survival skills for a woman are the most highly acclaimed skills to be in possession of. Everything else, comes in due time with patience and remember when everyone else falls, a well prepared woman will be left standing. She will always rise and survive!!