Thursday, July 30, 2009

Getting Off Your Nail

Stories are really not that different from person to person when it comes to getting off your nail. The analogy that Les Brown referred to in one of his motivational seminars of the dog that laid on a nail day after day moaning and groaning from the pain but he never made the effort to move off the nail is what I want to talk about. This reminds me of the anguish that faces everyone when it’s time to move. I like that story because there are two other elderly people sitting on that porch that ignore the dogs moaning because they know that when it hurts bad enough he will move. This helps me to be patient with myself as well as others when we get stuck with our lives. I argue with the idea of living in the moment because even though that is a good idea we still have to deal with the fact that the choices in the moment come with the consequences that control future choices. So, the moment is tied to the past as well as the future, all in one. Does that mean that in reality there is only the moment? Duality could really be oneness when you get deep into the reality of everything. Of course I realize to some this could be very confusing and questionable. However, questions are what I have had all my life and possibilities are what have kept me going. Possibilities are the mystic unraveling of God’s promises to the trusting ones. I listen to others as they share their current stories with me and I reflect on how at different times in my life their story is not all that different from mine. One strives to be the best they can be and then they try to share their life with someone. I say try because we never realize what we are getting ourselves into until after we have jumped off that safe ledge. We only know ourselves when we finally choose, “to go for it” and when we can accept that we will probably need some “Divine Intervention” lots of times in a relationship with someone else. That is the icing that makes the choice sweeter. Knowing that we all have something to work on in our lives is very humbling. There are also some things I believe are more tolerable than others. It is important to look at character traits that complement one another when considering such closeness as sharing ones personal space. I have learned that the older one gets it is very important to consider what is acceptable in sharing ones space because we start seeing life and priorities a lot different. It is one of those things that come from different stages of your life. To understand those stages before you get there is impossible because it is part of the process in “coming home”, to your real self. It’s just like that dog lying on the nail. He’s just content with laying on that nail moaning and groaning because he hasn’t gotten the nerve or motivation to do anything different.

In my experience, people will try on new and different things for size with motivation but unless there is great passion, desire and intentional personal ambition with purpose it will just hang on them like a cloak. When it no longer has real appeal anymore it can easily be cast aside and the original clothing that is more comfortable will be returned to. It’s only when “enough is enough” has been reached in ones life that real permanent changes will take hold. Everybody’s pain threshold is different but I do know that the longer one lies on their nail the more tolerable the pain becomes. What does your nail feel like? Is it time to get up off it? Only you know for sure. In the meantime, think about what you want your threshold to be.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Invitation to Action

I am putting out an Invitation of Action to Living The Life You Love!!!

I would like to invite others to create groups to study,
“No Matter What! By Lisa Nichols. This plan will entail an action plan at the end of every chapter for personal transformation. Lisa has created a groundbreaking program that builds “muscles” in ones character in 9 different areas of your life. These muscles are referred to as “bounce-back” muscles:

1) Developing Your Understanding Muscle:
*Some gifts come wrapped in sandpaper
2) Developing Your Faith-In-Myself Muscle:
*Pressing the stop button on your minds negative chatter
3) Developing Your Take Action Muscle:
*Stop lying on the nail
4) Developing Your I-Know-Like-I-Know Muscle:
*God Is Good, Good Is God, Woo-Hoo!
5) Developing Your Honesty Muscle:
*Keeping It Real
6) Developing Your Say-Yes Muscle:
*Being Willing to Play Full Out
7) Developing Your Determination Muscle:
*Doing what it takes to get to the Mountaintop
8) Developing Your Forgiveness Muscle:
*Finding Your Way Back to Love
9) Developing Your Highest Muscle:
*Meeting Your Needs from the Inside Out, and Then Aiming for the Stars
10) Finding Your Rhythm
*Living in Joy and Possibility

I would like to create groups in age differences for the purpose of the experiences focused upon being brought back to the larger venue for community growth together.

Teens / Young Adults / Adults / Seasoned Adults / Meantime / Mid-Time / Sage
(13-15) (16-20) (21-27) (28-35) (36-46) (47-57) 58+

After we finish in our groups, we can come together as "One Group" to share our discoveries and select our "Rocket Booster Buddies", to assist us in our accountability Action Plans.

For those that are interested in this proposal of accountability and Action forward to living the life you Love please contact me via email or phone:

336-259-5086 (cell)

We can do this in our communities and feed back online each week as well as locally at our meetings. This can be a pro-active way of peeling back layers as well as prevention for the young ones of layering on from the residue already existing in our communities. I would like for each one interested to go to your local “Borders”, “Barnes and Nobles” and/or Favorite bookstore to pick up a copy of:

“NO MATTER WHAT!” by Lisa Nichols

Grab you a cup of coffee/ tea, read first chapter that interests you most and then make a decision if you are ready to take Action in your life, your community, your relationship, your career, and/ or this Invitation. Buy the book now if you are and I will be happy to be one of your "Rocket Booster Buddies".

We can check back in with one another after the project as a group in 4-6 months with our journals to see how our progress has been.

I am excited to invite all of you to Action! Hope to hear from you soon!!

Friday, July 10, 2009


Over here at the writer's cafĂ© we are stirring up things in the kitchen. My sisters need to awaken from their slumber. Every time I hear of another fallen sister it nudges me to say out loud… wake up! The lover we search for through others is within ourselves. There is no way to draw a picture of what I mean but it is a retreat to self that you have to make, in order to spare yourself a lot of unnecessary drama. If you have someone and still don't understand why you feel like you're missing something, it's because you are. That longing you have has nothing to do with the other person as much as it has to do with you. It's great not to have to walk alone on your journey but if that person does not respect your spiritual boundaries and vice versa, you might as well be alone because there are going to be a lot of lonely days ahead. When you get to the crossroads together you still have to spend time alone in the wilderness with the one who loves you beyond boundaries. Your Beloved demands time alone with you. If you cannot hear the gentle call, it can get very loud. The gentle nudge can be very comforting but when you get so distracted that a tremendous stop has to take place in your life, you wonder what happened. Sometimes we even get called home because we are so stubborn. That is what I am seeing with child abuse and spouse/partner abuse. When we allow ourselves to stay in abusive relationships we really need some, “timeout”, to evaluate ourselves. To be truly honest means to go out in the wilderness even if it means putting our families in safe hands while we get with ourselves. Most of the time in abuse cases the victim loses connection with their core being, their center, which is our connection with all that there is. Every being that has experienced abuse knows that center place, because in the early stages of abuse you can hear the subtle warnings within. The signs pop up everywhere. You know what I mean. Yes, I'm talking to you! One on one! We know who we are. Why do I need this person so-o-o-o bad? I deserve better treatment than what I am getting! I don't deserve this s-h-i-t-! Why don't I just walk away? I can do better by myself! What am I afraid of? Do not put so much energy into what you do not understand. Remember back in school, what we were told at test time? Don't spend a lot of time on what you don't understand, go on and do what you do know! Same advice goes for the tests in life. Fake it, until you make it. Self-confidence, faith and strong will, it will bring you through every time! This power I'm talking about is not left behind in the counselors offices, in the churches, these institutions are only tools to direct you back to your center, your source within your self. When you don't have the money's to get the finest doctors, ministers, books, foods, etc… remember, what you need, will be provided. That is a promise in your faith that you can bank on. The first step to avoiding abuse is to not go there. Read the handwriting on the wall. Do not ignore the signs and try to be a s/hero in order to avoid loneliness. Teach your daughters, that they hold the jewels and someone is always going to try to get them. If you have already crossed that safe zone, is never too late to turn back. Let there be no shame in your game to step back and take a second look at yourself, reevaluate yourself about what you deserve. Know thyself, is one of your greatest discoveries. Broken dreams can be rebuilt, restored, and redefined. You came to the world to bring something to the table. Be strong and serve it up! Explore the ingredients in your recipe, add to or take away but make it original. Your authentic self knows all of the spices you came to the table with. Do not be afraid to stir things up in your kitchen and when you're ready, do what you need to do! Ladies be an example and passed on those valuable recipes! Live your life and kick it up a notch! Do not wait until someone is trying to kill you for what you have. Get out while you can because an abuser is so far down into self gratification and not knowing their self-worth that the only thing they can do is try to steal someone else's jewels. They want to control, what they cannot within their own lives, their direction. We always have a choice to change the ingredients to the recipe (directions) but we have to have the balls!! I challenge you to check out the recipe to your life and add to it whatever you need to make it authentically say; I’ve got the balls!! Serve it up!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

My Pen; My Microphone to the World

My pen is my microphone to the world. When I think of all my best ideas I remember my pen being the first one to convey them. Whether I was writing to myself, God, my audience(whomever they may be) or just hearing myself out loud it was on paper first. Well, maybe it really was in thought first but it had power when it became words on paper. I remember thinking back to when I first lost my voice shortly after the abuse, something that I didn't understand at the time of course. Aren't you supposed to be able to trust the adults in your life as a child? That is what everyone in my world was trying to convey, however I realized quickly that was not an absolute! You know the story, don't you, because it's not new I would discover in the years to come. It was through the experiences that evolved from my rebellion against the man-made rules for girls and how they are suppose to behave that awakened my voice again. There were also those unwritten laws of "our" boundaries of how we were supposed to act because everything was our fought just by the nature of our gender. This awakening stirring inside of me caused me to pull more and more away from others back into myself until I was able to clearly hear again and then something wonderful happened. The flow came through my pen and my life would never be the same because there was a releasing of feelings that was dammed up for so long. Of course all of the rough, nasty, decayed stuff had to flow out first to get to the clear waters but then it was pure freedom and no one could stand in my way. I remember at 15 years old and my love for music lead me to a choir at school whereby a wonderful African American Chorus teacher took me under her wing and directed the flow through my voice out of my head and heart through singing in the Spring Concert. That was the first time at recognizing that one can give themselves over to their passion and it will take on a life of its own. When she played back the lead recording I was performing from Jesus Christ Superstar, "I don't know how to love Him", I was blown away because I did not know who that voice was!
It wasn't until years later after my divorce and three children to raise without child support that I rediscovered to go within to find that voice for survival and rejuvenation. I had to regain courage to go out into the world to be heard and be reckoned with, I would survive! I had to rethink the debilitating words that were currently in my life and how to replace them with more empowering words to push me through victoriously. This began with pulling forward the memories of surviving ill experiences in the past and re-membering what it was in the process that fused me. Affirmations (empowering words) daily were a must once I decided my direction (goals).I was going to become a Cosmetologist and have my own business. I decided that no one was going to control my destiny anymore. I started envisioning my future as I wanted it to be through writing and so it became my reality!