There I sat at the kitchen table with my hands held out pleading with the ever merciful God to please help me understand what was happening in my world! This morning was like every other morning of the last two years of my life since the company sold out and decided along with the buying company that none of the union members would be rehired.
I would go to bed praying to God to help me understand the whirlwind of changes in my life that I didn't ask for (at least consciously I didn't think I did) but that may mysteriously debated. Upon waking in the mornings, I would go to the kitchen table to say my prayers, then the writing in my morning pages, read my daily affirmations and just know everything was going to be all right. When I looked at the news I knew everything was already all right, because I wasn't alone in my battle. The whole world was in this struggle together. People were losing their jobs/homes and everything they had ever worked for.
Maybe that was the problem; maybe we all had the wrong view about the American dream? The picture that government and religion had painted for peace and security wasn't working anymore on a global level. We as a society was being pushed to broaden our views toward a global society, but a lot of the old ways were still in place.
The seams of the fabric originally sewn together were busting apart and tearing the human family apart as well. Nation fighting against nation for the love of money to the extent that if anybody gets in the way they will be annihilated has become the norm. That is a lot of what I was feeling as I watched the news, but on this particular morning,I looked at the pile of bills being way over my current budget, and I knew more change was on the way.
I picked up one of the envelopes to open it and then I realized this was one that had fallen between the cracks. I had forgotten to pay for car insurance, oh my God! There was no money in the bank until payday because the mortgage had just been paid! What was I to do? I called to get my insurance reinstated! Back in the red again! That was the straw that broke the camel's back! I broke into tears as I cried out to God, I knew this kind of stress was not good for my health, so I got up, got dressed and faced the inevitable. I went out to look at apartments to see what I was facing.
I have always known that God guides my steps. It is the one thing I have always been sure of. The first place I went was right down the street from my home, same neighborhood, but I would be renting, paying someone else's mortgage as homeowners would say. My God! The rent nowadays was as much or more than my mortgage. Some places were a little less; I just had to give up so much that was part of who I had become.
The last place I went to visit was where a dear friend of mine who lived with her parents, of whom were back from a lifetime missionary work, pioneering in another country. While I was viewing the site they crossed my mind. I thanked the young man that had shown me the apartments after much discussion on his experience in Iraq and the many questions of life still in his heart and mind. My heart wept for the experiences I knew he would never forget. My one hope is that his heart will yearn for world peace and that he may seek for his future children, ways to avoid wars. I was aware that he was such a kind soul and had only obliged his commitment to the agreement he had signed. He expressed his respect and admiration for my friend and her wonderful parents, especially her dad. I certainly did understand why he admired her dad, because I too knew he was the kindest soul one would want to meet. I got ready to leave and I could feel my visit wasn't over. I hadn't seen my friend’s parents, in over eight years. So I got out of the car went back inside to ask the agent to give them a call and guide me to their apartment for a visit. That visit turned into a 6 1/2 hour reunion.
When I got to the top of the stairs, there stood Oscar, just as I remembered him, big smile and a loving heart! I felt so much love immediately, wow! What a wonderful experience! Finally getting in the house like two children reuniting after years of being separated, I stand there waiting for Winnie to come out of the bedroom and I'm so excited when I see her come around the corner! Oh my god, her beautiful smile hasn’t changed a bit. There have been many occasions that they have been back in the country but we haven't been able to just make the connection, however, God's timing is always perfect!
We had served on committees together in the past and we were aware that there are still things about people's personal stories you don't get to glimpse when you're busy working on the goal of God's business. On this day, we would still be doing God's business of being there for our brothers and sisters when they are going through a storm. We shared so much through our stories. We were catching up and learning more about each other than we ever had, by sharing our experiences, because we were open to God's lead. I can't express enough the power of friendship when it is rooted in God's love for humanity and their well being, it takes on a life of it's onwn for God's purpose! Oscar and Winnie were God's servants in saving my sanity on this day and awesome servants they were, in restoring my faith back to a level where I could focus on the task at hand.
I still don't know where God is taking me from this point but I do know, the loving sacred feminine side of God embraced this crying soul on February 11th, 2008, through two wonderful friends that were in the service of loving God's children and they opened the door to let me in. I just want to remind all the crying souls out there somewhere to be reassured that they can never under estimate the power of friendship and your first loyal friend is the Almighty, ever-knowing God that will not forsake you, even in your doubtful moments of worthiness. “Know ye not, that thou were created noble?” (Baha’i Writings) “Be not afraid, for thou art with you!” (Christian Writings) These words keep me reassured, even in my darkest hours. I am grateful for good friends and the ability to follow God's lead even when I can't see, but to trust the power of friendship to sooth my wailing heart is a confirmation from God that everything is going to be all right!
I dedicate this piece to my great friends, Winnie and Oscar and to the Power of Friendship!