Do you remember the conversation you had with the woman in your life about your first time? Was it your mom, your mom's best friend, your aunt, a girlfriend or your grandmother? Either one of them probably said the same thing, while trying to pretend they were not shocked at you asking the question, and especially asking them!
What do they say; they were asking themselves most likely? How does any responsible woman answer a young lady with this question when they know that this one choice will change their whole world as they know it now? Just as much as we know it can be the most precious moment, it can also be one's biggest nightmare. If the young lady is not mature enough psychologically to handle what comes with it emotionally it can change the course of her life.
It has been said that boys do not mature in the same way as girls when it comes to the first time. I don't claim to know that as a fact but from experience I can speak a little bit about girls. I've been told that sex for a boy can be all about the idea of conquering a quest but for a girl I know that it is more of a sense of belonging within a commitment that is mutual in retrospect.
This is not an action for the faint at heart or for all the wrong reasons. Such as; I'll show you mom or I can do with my body, what I want to or because someone tells you that they love you. Loving someone is about respecting their boundaries and decisions; love does not ask one to compromise their values. If you decide you want to wait and your partner moves on, then you know it's not the kind of love, you thought was there.
These are the kind of things we hope we can say when we are asked “the question” but most of the time we are caught off guard or, we are asked after the fact. I remember someone telling me that I would know when the right time would be… but when it comes to love the answer still remains the same… you will know!
I have still been trying to figure out after all these years, how… you will know? If I could tell someone the answer to that I could write a bestseller and create a seminar to take in millions of dollars because everyone would be there to avoid all of the emotional drama of relationships. Sorry to say… it's not that simple. Love is… so many things to so many different people.
If you go to your religious organizations, they can give you a list of things in a person that qualifies what love is. If you look for those qualities within yourself or others you probably will never find love, because that measure of love is hardly ever within one person. We are always working on something in our lives on that list. If you use that measure to determine whether you yourself are ready for love, you may be waiting a long time. However, if a lot of the list exists in your character already, the question would be; are you willing to work with your self and your partner through the other areas of concern to develop the love that you desire. To develop something real and enduring can be a long process. The ground that she will have to cover has to be recognized as areas that she can’t see in a moment and will have to endure to get to the desired result. That's why it is not good in my opinion to rush things, because in reality, it is a long journey.
This love thing is a lot bigger than it seems and its not a simple yes or no answer; therefore, think long and hard about how to answer the call or even to receive it. My best advice is to remember grandma's advice...you will know!
The next time you are approached with “the question”, remember… how much do they “really” want to know or do they just want to get the shock reaction from you on the Richter scale 1 to 10. Once you have determined their reason for asking you, then you will know how to proceed. Most people have made up their minds already out of curiosity, the first time. If that is the case, give them the old grandma line. If they are young and borderline, then you can spare them a lot of grief, depression, abandonment issues, low self-esteem problems, etc… go for the jugular and be honest ladies. Spare no misery and share the real deal that making the decision way too soon can lead down a road of a lot of hard knocks. These knocks can be postponed until they are mature enough to handle the fall and get back up, ready to move on to another battle.
If all else fails with your young teen, let them learn on their own, because some people just have to go to the University of Hard Knocks. Remember, there will come a time in their future that they will have to pass on to the hard heads in their lives, grandma's advice… you will know!